Into the Fray

 I am far from perfect. Fatally flawed. My mom wasn’t perfect either. She knew that and taught me that our flaws were our personal battles to face. She was always telling me to just live my life and try to make the right decisions and be a good person. Don’t take it all too seriously. She saw what was around the corner for her and did not want us to waste a precious second of our lives worrying or fussing about her. But daughters love their mamas. And they want to care for them the way they were cared for. Daughters want to do even better than their own mamas did for them. So we pile on. We take on the load and try to help carry it for them. Now that my mom has turned that corner, I feel like my focus has shifted to my dad. Making sure that he is held and cared for. But my dad is not sentimental. He lets us know when he needs care from his daughters, but more and more he is carrying that load for us. As any good parent will. 

I know I have my own demons. So I try to be transparent about them with the kids. I try to be brave and let the kids see that just like I can face dark days and manage my struggles, they can too. 

Welles is trying so hard to walk on her own. A few weeks ago, she would grip my two hands so tight and waddle a few steps. She's getting stronger and more brave as each day passes. Now she is starting to let go of one hand. She’s pulling up on her own. Soon enough she’ll be toddling all over. Eventually she’ll be facing down her own demons. 

I don’t want her to be afraid. I want her to know it’s what we do. We stand up. All those we love are right behind us cheering us on, picking us up and dusting us off when we fall, and sending us back into the fray. But this life is our battle. And ours alone.