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 I think my adrenaline has run out. Rob and I have been rowing our tiny boat against stormy seas for months, and now we are just bailing the water out and trying to stay on course. So my drive to just survive is gone and I can feel all the pain. 

I went to church today. My mom’s funeral was at the church where I went as a kid. The church where I was an acolyte. The church where I discovered what faith meant to me. It was an Episcopal church and it felt like home. So I went to the local Episcopal church in our town. I had been before but for some reason at the time it wasn’t the right place. 


Today it was. It felt like home again. Weldon toddled around and I tried to listen to the liturgy through the big wooden doors. Finally, I wandered back to the nursery and just let her play.  


There was no one else there so I sat in the rocking chair and just let myself feel safe. I cried for my mom and my sweet sick husband and my heart that was beating too fast and knew I wasn’t alone. 

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