Charlie

 Yesterday was Charlie’s eleventh birthday. My sweet stubborn silly girl has had a hell of a year. She has faced down some hard childhood realities. She lost some friends and gained some new ones and she made some complicated decisions about the future. 

I still know eleven year old Megan so well. I feel her inside pleading with Charlie that all will be okay. When I was her age I had a lot of the same looming monsters creeping about in my mind. Anxiety and the confusion of crossing that difficult threshold from childhood into something else. The Land of Not Quite. 

Not quite old enough.

Not quite mature enough.

Not quite a child anymore.

I hated the Land of Not Quite. 

I can see Charlie trying to navigate its stormy seas. Finding ways to trust. Discovering who her allies will be, and who to cut loose. Maneuvering the new little self she is growing into. It’s so hard. And it hurts. It hurts to realize there is no stopping time.

 I do my best to comfort her with hope. Bright shining hope for her future. I want her to understand that she is simply growing. Her childhood is not dying. It is changing. 

 I try to let her see the awkward little Megan that is still very much alive in me. That I came through it alive and stronger.  Rob shows her that there are strong trustworthy men that will love and protect her through all the storms and dark nights. Weldon will show her that having a sister is having someone to always hold your hand. Someone to wipe away tears and mend broken little hearts. Someone that will ride in that boat with you through the Land of Not Quite.

My Charlie girl is eleven. And I am starting to see the sweet stubborn silly strong as hell woman she will be.