Fulfillment

 I read this article about being happy. It said happiness is an emotion so it will come and go. The key to a good life is fulfillment. 

Trying to be a writer is complicated. Agents publishing contests rejection. It’s a bag of needles I carry around and push my hands into, hoping I can find the piece of hidden hay. So yesterday after whimpering to Rob about wrongs and rejections. He took a breath and looked at me. “You saved me today.” He was in the thick of it at school, and he read my post and it made him joyful. It shook me out of my selfish pout and made me realize again why I wanted to do this in the first place. So my family would remember the bits and pieces of our life.

When I was teaching at Charlie’s school I floundered. I loved the kids and the energy but I never felt quite like I found my rhythm. I wasn’t there long before mom got sick but I wanted to make friends. Charlie's two teachers at the time were the obvious choices. I had a reason to talk to them and could pop in occasionally without seeming too weird. I think teachers are a little like therapists. At least they are for me. They keep parents at arms length and I am always desperate to please them. Perhaps I spoke too loud or my jokes didn’t land, or they were just swamped with work, but the friendships never took off the way I hoped. 

Fast forward to this week. I ran into both of them on different days at some event to commemorate the last week of school. They both read the blog and are connecting with my messy stories in some way. They both went out of their way to touch me on the arm and look me in the eyes and say this. I know now that outside of my sweet husband Rob, these two women that I admire, are reading my words and laughing or crying or just tossing some of my memories around in their minds. They are thinking of their own family and their own messes. And I was lucky enough to hear about it from them.  

I’ll take that as my piece of golden hay in a bag of needles. And I’ll be fulfilled.